Daddy, How Much Did I Cost?

For all you adoptive parents out there, this is a helpful read...  Daddy, How Much Did I Cost?

Little Ephrem

“What first drew me to this little boy was his sweet round face. Obviously, he has suffered a great deal from malnutrition. When we visited the school he and the rest of the children were so focused on their meal. It’s amazing to see how Lifesong was changing their lives. After lunch, I found myself surrounded by children playing a name game. He reached out and kissed my hand. My heart melted... I think of him daily.”
Jenny Anderson, Orphan Advocate

Sometimes it can be hard to imagine the hardships that go on around the world. We sit in our comfortable homes, with pantries full of necessities, and it seems strange that most of the world doesn’t have a pantry, let alone food to fill it. But for millions of children in Africa this is their reality. Hunger is a part of their daily lives. Then add the fact that many of these children are also orphaned, either by death or abandonment… it’s almost more than we can bear. It’s hard to go there mentally and we protect our hearts by pretending it doesn’t exist. But it does. Children are suffering.

Little Ephrem is one of those children. Born in Ethiopia, his father is now dead and his mother disappeared years ago. He was taken into his grandmother’s care, but she has struggled to provide for him. At 4 years old, Ephrem is extremely small for his age, and most likely suffers from a type of growth disorder, though the lack of specialized medical care keeps us from knowing for sure. And since he has been malnourished most of his life, it is no wonder his health is affected.

Praise the Lord, Ephrem is now enrolled in Lifesong’s Adami Tulu Nursery School, where he is getting two meals a day and seems to be flourishing under the care of his teachers. His sweet demeanor and precious smile easily capture your heart.

Bring joy and purpose this Christmas season to children like Ephrem around the world!

Merry Christmas...

from the Philpots!

Matthew 1:21  She will bear a Son, and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins.

Lucy Lane

Maybe you've heard of a little girl named Lucy Lane whose adoption inspired many others to bring Ethiopian children into their families too.  I had seen her "gotcha day" video before, but I ran across this video on youtube not long ago of her one year home anniversary, and I enjoyed every minute.  It's inspiring toward the end of the video to see how their story has motivated so many others to care for orphans!  God's plans are so much greater than ours!

Lifesong in Ethiopia

Did you know Lifesong does so much more than give adoption grants?  They do all kinds of work in several countries to help feed, educate and spread the gospel to those in need.

For example, recently I heard about a 3rd grade student in one of Lifesong's schools in Ethiopia that lost her mother after a long illness (probably HIV). Her father died a while ago. Her uncle and his wife brought her in to discuss their living situation. They were trying to keep her mother's house to live in, but were unsure if they would be allowed to stay there. She sat quietly behind them, her head down. The loss of a mother and the threatened loss of a home is such a heavy load for a child should to bear.

Please pray for this little girl, and the millions around the world like her.  If you'd like to partner with Lifesong or hear more about what they're doing, you can check out their international projects on the right sidebar here.

Adoption is About the Gospel

Some of you know that my Adoption Works Well post wasn't unanimously well received. There were a few comments from strangers who are not pro-adoption. And that makes me sad. But honestly, it doesn't surprise me. And the reason it doesn't surprise me is because adoption is about the gospel and not all people are pro-gospel.

Some people would argue that everyone is already a child of God and there is no need for God to adopt us into His family. But that's not what the Bible says. John 1:12-13 tells us that when Jesus came into the world, some rejected Him. "But to all who did receive Him, who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God." So according to the Bible, not all people are children of God.

As John Piper says in his excellent article, How to Become a Child of God, "God is not everybody's Father. He created everybody, and they are His. But Jesus says in John 8:42, "If God were your Father you would love me." God is not everyone's Father. And the test of who your Father is, is whether you love his Son." Allow me to borrow a little more from John Piper:

The deepest and strongest foundation of adoption is located not in the act of humans adopting humans, but in God adopting humans. And this act is not part of his ordinary providence in the world; it is at the heart of the gospel. Galatians 4:4-5 is as central a gospel statement as there is: “But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons.”

God did not have to use the concept of adoption to explain how he saved us, or even how we become part of his family. He could have stayed with the language of new birth so that all his children were described as children by nature only (John 1:12-13, “But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.”). But he chose to speak of us as adopted as well as being children by new birth. This is the most essential foundation of the practice of adoption.

What I would like to do is lay out eight similarities between what God did in adoption and what happens in a Christian adoption today. I pray that whether you have adopted, or are engaged in assisting adoptions, or are pondering an adoption, God will use these comparisons to heighten your confidence that God is graciously involved in our adoptions. He has done it himself. He knows what it costs. And he stands ready to support us all the way to the end. [You can find the rest of this great article HERE]

Something else I do want to mention is that some people may not have an ideal adoption experience. I hope this is never the case for true Christians! But the possibility does exist because we live in a world marred by sin. Still, I would argue that this doesn't mean adoption itself is wrong or damaging. A friend had some helpful thoughts on this... J, I hope you don't mind if I piece together your words!

You can't negate that some people may have had bad adoption experiences, just like some precious children are born into families where they are abused and murdered. I also know that some biological children have issues--such as self-esteem problems, developmental problems, behavioral problems. I don't feel that it is correct to say that the reason that some adoptees have these issues is because they were adopted. We all have issues! And I can't even count the number of people (adults) who have been excited about our family adopting because they were adopted and it means so much to them!

We can only pray that God helps us to be good parents to our children and pray that they rely on Him as the grow up. And we can pray that God will intervene in the lives of these who are so hurt and that He will heal and change their hearts and help them understand what REAL adoption into God's family is....

So here's my takeaway. Adoption is far greater than us and it will cause some people to act out. As another friend reminded me, the same thing happened to Jesus! People who would target adoption or our family because of adoption -- they're not really targeting us. They're targeting God. So today I'm praying that the Lord will lift the blinders from their eyes and that they would understand the beauty of physical and spiritual adoption.

Adoption Works Well

** If you're a new visitor to my blog, please read this post first.  Thanks! **

For the whole article by Dr. Patrick Fagan of the Marriage and Religion Research Institute, click here.  It's a great and fascinating read.  How encouraging to see that research confirms what we already knew to be true!

Adoption Works Well: a Synthesis of the Literature
Executive Summary

Adoption is life-alteringly beneficial for children. Such is the general conclusion from a review of the literature.

Adoption in the first 12 months of the child's life produces the best outcomes, but all children will benefit, regardless of their age at placement. Adopted children outperform their non-adopted peers and non-adopted siblings.

Family Relationships:

• Children adopted in their first year have the same ability to form secure attachments as non-adopted children.
• Married parents adjust more successfully than unmarried parents.
• Adoptive mother sensitivity contributes to a rich, positive home life.
• Birth mothers who relinquish their children for adoption are more likely to finish school and are less likely to live in poverty or receive public assistance.

Social and Family Adjustment:

• Most adoptees do not receive serious negative reactions regarding racial or ethnic differences between them and their adoptive families.
• Age at adoption strongly affects adjustment: the earlier, the better.
• Adopted women have more social support than non-adopted women; boys struggle with adjusting to adoption and enjoy less social support when they become men.

Development:

• Less developed adoptees catch up to their age group in height, weight, and general health.
• Adoption almost completely mitigates the effects of in utero drug exposure.
• Adoptees' self-esteem is lower than that of children in intact families and they may struggle with identity development, but they enjoy equally good psychological health.

Behavior:

• Adoptees are no more prone to aggressive antisocial behavior than are non-adoptees, but they are more prone to non-aggressive antisocial behavior.
• History of abuse aggravates adoptee tendency toward antisocial behavior; parental closeness can lessen it.

Educational attainment:

• Early adoption facilitates language acquisition.
• Adoptees are no different in problem or pro-social behavior from non-adoptees.
• Adoptees do not lag significantly behind the general population in academic performance. They strongly outperform their non-adopted birth peers.
• Adoptive families influence their children's cognitive capabilities.

On the whole, parents are very satisfied with their adopted children. These children, their biological mothers, and their adoptive families all benefit from and feel their lives are enriched by the experience.

One is Fun

Our kids are getting so grown up!  They're learning and exploring and keeping us busy.  They're such an incredible joy and blessing to us!

Here they are enjoying their birthday presents from Poppy and Mimi.  Weren't they just babies in my arms yesterday??

Little man has figured out how to put the red circle in the right hole. So smart!

They can kind of say a few words like "quack," "thank you," "go" and "watch" (a random list, I know).  They understand so many words, it amazes me every day.  If I ask them where the baby doll, race car, ball, tigger, hippo or drink is, they'll go right for it.

They're both drinking out of straw cups.

They can (usually) tell you where their nose or ear is.

And they love Kix. We have to be careful not to say the word unless we plan to give them some.  Unfortunately, "kisses" sounds a lot like Kix and that can create some confusion.

Little ones, don't grow up too fast! We're enjoying every minute!

Are You a Coffee Drinker?

GOBENA COFFEE

Gobena Coffee offers fresh-roasted gourmet fair trade, organic, shade-grown coffee delivered right to your door. We are committed to offering the finest quality coffees from regions around the world. Each coffee is skillfully roasted in small batches for peak quality and freshness.

In addition to experiencing the finest and freshest coffee, with each order placed, you are helping children throughout the world. 100% of the profits are being reinvested in the lives of orphan children through charity programs.

ABOUT US

In the summer of 2007, we traveled to Ethiopia to adopt our little girl, Eva. When we were there, the contrast in cultures was amazing. Most Ethiopians were not wealthy, but were rich in their sense of community and closeness of their relationships.

Gobena, was 71 years old, when he found a baby girl placed in the yard near his home. "Because she is God's soul," Gobena and his wife, Mulunesh, took care of the baby girl for 20 days. Then they placed her for adoption to be in a family who can take care of her long-term. This little girl is now a permanent part of our family. She is truly a blessing from God, and always will be a reminder that there is always hope, as long as there are people who care enough.

Their sense of community and caring for others has inspired us to start this ministry where 100% of the net profits are reinvested in the lives of orphan children throughout the world. Each time you purchase a bag of coffee, you are providing hope and life to children who do not have parents caring for them.

So, invite some friends over for some coffee and feel good about the fact you're making a difference by choosing Gobena Coffee.

Taste of Heaven Cookbook

We got a fantastic cookbook in the mail the other day.  And guess whose picture and testimony is on the front of the appetizers and beverages page?  None other than the Philpot family!

We were honored to be contributors to the recently released Lifesong for Orphans cookbook, which you can find in their Gifts of Purpose catalog.  A generous donor covered the entire cost for the project, so 100% of the proceeds go directly to Lifesong's orphan/adoption care programs.  We LOVE Lifesong and would definitely encourage you to consider supporting them.  They have lots of ways to get involved... and from what I've seen so far the cookbook looks like a great place to start!

Looks Like We'll Have Two Walkers by Christmas

Referral Anniversary #2

Our sweet daughter, it was one year ago today that your daddy and I saw your face for the first time.

We had seen your brother's picture the day before and we were praying hard that the director of our adoption agency would find our second baby in the few days she had remaining in Ethiopia.  Many of our family and friends were praying this for you too.  And God answered our prayers.

Mommy woke up on December 6, 2009 and opened up my email with hope and anticipation.  Even though it was a Sunday morning and we would be headed to church, daddy had gone out to a coffee shop to study.  (Your daddy is an early riser!)

I could hardly believe my eyes when I saw what I was hoping for.

she may be up to  2 months old

That was all I was allowed to see until your daddy got home!  But it was overwhelming.  Our baby!  And she?!  We thought for certain you'd be a boy!  We were so thrilled to have a son AND a daughter!

Your daddy rushed home and we opened up the email to see your beautiful face.  It was love at first sight.

We called your grandparents, aunts and uncles, emailed friends, and printed you and your brother's pictures to bring to church with us.  Oh, sweet girl.  How we loved you from the start!  We were so very excited to meet you and hold you.  Praise the Lord that He has given us the privilege of being your parents.  There's no little girl we'd rather have than you!

Referral Anniversary

Son, today marks one year from the day we first saw your face.

It was a Saturday morning.  Mommy had been checking her email regularly because the director of our adoption agency was in Ethiopia.  Your daddy and I were praying hard that she would find you while she was there!

Daddy had gone out to a coffee shop early to study.  I opened up my inbox, and my heart stood still.  There it was.  The email we had been waiting for months to see.  I saw the words "potential referral" and I ran to call your daddy.  We had agreed that we would wait to see your face for the first time together.  After all, you were our first child.

I was so excited while I waited for your daddy to come home.  I paced the hallway and jumped up and down and prayed.  I know I was shaking.  In fact, I didn't stop shaking for two hours! 

Your daddy came through the door and we rushed to open the email. 

This is a POTENTIAL referral.. waiting on medical, bloodwork, etc.  Of the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. We don't know his name yet so we are calling him Temesgen    

The most beautiful baby was right!  Son, you brought us so much joy that day.  It still brings tears to my eyes to think of it.  We called your grandparents, aunts and uncles right away to share the exciting news.  We emailed our friends and couldn't stop looking at your pictures all day long.  Oh how we loved you already!

God changed our lives on December 5, 2009.  He gave us you.  Temesgen means thank God, praise God.  Our hearts agree!

Is That an Obstacle to Love?

I've been a little sad and frustrated lately.  Three friends of ours are who are in the early stages of adopting a child from Africa are all facing opposition from their families.  The most difficult thing for me to swallow is that they all come from Christian families.

Please forgive me if this is too blunt.  But who cares if they're black?

We're talking about children created in the image of God.  They're people.  Let's close our eyes and remember that they have beating hearts and souls that will live forever.  They were born in one of the most poverty stricken places in the world.  They're desperate for the basic things we take for granted.  And they need a mommy and daddy.

It's just hard for me that some of the families who struggle with their children adopting a brown baby would think it's cute and acceptable to adopt an Asian baby.  That Asian baby would be just as obviously not a biological child.  So the issue here is skin color, not adoption.  Skin color.  The more I think about it, the more it boggles my mind.  It would be like saying I can't be your mom because my nose is bigger than yours.  External, unimportant stuff.

I picked up Dr. Russell Moore's book Adopted For Life again to see what he had to say.  And he doesn't hold back. 

Hesitancy about transracial adoption is so sad...because it's one more reminder of how we are "conformed to this world" (Rom. 12:2), with all it's pitiful divisions.  Yes, parents will have to raise children to contend with whatever challenges may await them. ... But is that an obstacle to love, for people who believe the gospel?

This is especially relevant since everyone reading this book, if in Christ, has been transracially adopted. 

If you're not sure you can love a child with a different skin color than yours, the first step for you has nothing to do with the adoption process.  Repent, and open your heart to love.

 Here's where it gets hard.  Are you ready for this?

The Spirit does indeed command us to honor father and mother (Ex. 20:12).  He also tells us, though, that we're to leave father and mother in order to cleave to our spouse, to bring about a new family (Gen. 2:24).  Moreover, Jesus tells us that the gospel brings division, sometimes with "father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law" (Luke 12:53). 

Of course, as Paul commands, "so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all" (Rom. 12:18).  But if your parent or grandparent or some other family member rejects your child on the basis of his or her race, then your first responsibility is to your child.  What if you gave birth to a baby with Down's syndrome and your parents were angry about that?  The baby, they tell you, wasn't what they were expecting.  Would you reject your baby?  No; you'd tell your relative, "I'm really sorry you feel this way.  But if you can't love my child, you can't love me.  We stand or fall together."  The same is true here.  If your relatives love their bigotry more than your child, speak to them lovingly but directly, just as you would if they were caught in any other sin.  But don't give anyone's bigotry veto power over your family.

As Christians, our love for our neighbor means we must prioritize the need for families for the fatherless, regardless of how their skin colors or languages line up with one another.

I do want to say that I'm optimistic.  I think that once these friends of ours get matched with children and their families see their faces, things will change in their hearts.  And once those precious children come home, I just can't see at all how there would be opposition left.  But I realize that this is new territory for some people.

Can I ask you to pray for our friends, that God would strengthen and encourage them, and that He would work in the heart of their families?

1 John 3:17-18   But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him?  Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. 

1 Corinthians 13:3  If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

He Turns One!

I've shared with you before that in Ethiopia, one out of every ten children die before their first birthday.  Praise the Lord that He rescued our little boy out of desperate circumstances and placed him in our family.  What a joy to celebrate one year of his precious life!



Happy Birthday, little man!  We love you so much!!