What if You Don't Get Your Miracle?

As I mentioned in the last post, we know a few families that have had difficult adoption stories lately.  One of those families is Josh and Tasha Via.  They're adopting a girl from Uganda, and after more than 10 weeks in country to try to finalize her adoption and bring her home, they've hit a significant road block.  They're beginning to wonder if they've come all this way in the adoption process only to lose her at the very end.

They posted something on their blog about God's sovereignty and faithfulness in the midst of all this, and I was so encouraged by it.  What if You Don't Get Your Miracle? (password: TRUTH).

God's glory is the ultimate end.  May that be our primary desire too.

It's Worth It

We know a few couples that have had long, emotionally trying adoption journeys lately. Months of struggle and uncertainty and sometimes even tragedy and loss.  We're thrilled that our friends Tony and Jenn Sutton were finally able to bring their son home from Ethiopia last week, and she posted something on her blog that we've often thought can only be fully understood on the "home" side of the journey:

I would go halfway around the world again for this little man.  I would spend all the money I had.  I would take as many 17 hour flights as needed.  I would spend even more years waiting if I had to.

How much more would God do for me (and you)?  Thanks be to God!

It's so refreshing and good to hear those words from a momma that walked a long, uncertain road to bring her son home. As we start the adoption process again, it's a good reminder that as difficult, expensive and long as the process can be, it's worth it!  Therefore, as Paul says in 2 Corinthians 4:1 and 4:16, we do not lose heart.

Her Hair

Thought I'd share our current routine for her lovely locks...

My favorite resource is happygirlhair.com.  That's where I get most of my info about products, hair care, styles, and even skin care.  In fact, I'm about to make some changes for winter skin care (frequency and type of lotion) based on her recommendations! I recently stumbled across a few other sites that look good too: Chocolate Hair/Vanilla Care, Hair and Skin Care, Tightly Curly, African American Hair Care Tips, and an article at adoption.com. 

Every time our sweetie gets a bath we use conditioner (and soap, of course, but that's another topic).  We've used Aubrey Organics Honeysuckle Rose Moisturizing Conditioner all along.  I never rinse it out, I always just rub it into her scalp and through her hair and then leave it in.  Once a week, or sometimes less often if her hair seems dry (like it will in the winter!), I put Aubrey Organics Honeysuckle Rose Shampoo in before the conditioner, and I do rinse that out.  We got them from amazon, and they've lasted us a really long time.

Every morning and usually after naps I use a spray bottle with half olive oil and half water in it to spritz her hair.  Then I put some kind of conditioning lotion in it.  I think my favorite is Alaffia Shea and Virgin Coconut Enriching Hair Lotion.  I try to stick with shampoos, conditioners and lotions that are all natural, with no alcohol or artificial ingredients that would dry out her hair more.  They're usually more expensive and aren't as easily found at stores like Walmart.  A few other natural conditioning lotions are Blended Beauty Curly Cake Shake, Madagascar Vanilla Styling Creme, Qhemet Alma & Olive Heavy Creme, and Kinky Curly Curling Custard.  If you're in a pinch you might even try coconut oil.

After the spray bottle and the conditioning hair lotion, I use the tangle teezer.  I used to finger detangle every day, and we've gone from crying every time I finger detangled her hair to singing happy songs while I quickly, easily and painlessly comb through her tangles with the tangle teezer.  I highly recommend it.   They're online and I've heard they're at Sally's Beauty Supply also.

And that's all, folks!  As far as styling, I mostly just put headbands, flowers or clips in her hair for now.  Sometimes I get adventurous and do puffs, which are really just lots of ponytails all over her head.  Once we get to more styling... I'll probably let you know.

A couple of other things hair related.  Sweet miss sleeps on satin sheets, she uses a winter hat with a satin lining on the inside and she has a little square of satin that sits behind her head in her car seat.  I won't go into all the details, but those are important little changes to make.  And it doesn't cost much.  You can buy a little bit of satin at a fabric store and sew it on the inside of a hat and attach a piece to the back of a car seat.  If you'd like to buy them pre-made, and if you'd like to order satin sheets, here are a few places you can do that:  The Theme Room, Little Piddles, Infant Hair Saver, and MustardSeed (additional gallery).  

If you have a boy, it's really easy to just keep his head shaved.  Then you don't have to worry about tangle teezers, conditioning lotion, satin lined hats or satin on the car seat.  Sounds a little like the difference between me and a certain other boy I know...

Orphan Sunday

You can listen to a wonderful sermon from Orphan Sunday by Brent Nelson at Five Points Community Church here.

To Africa and Back

Our friends Derek and Leslie passed court last week to bring their son Silas home from Ethiopia.  Her blog post about their trip was beautiful and she said it was okay for me to share it here too.  So many of the things she says are very reminiscent for us.

Enjoy!

It feels so strange to be back in the United States. We were only gone 8 days, but in those 8 short days my whole life changed. There is so much to share and I will try to do it in a few days. I feel like I am still processing it all. We have traveled almost 16,000 miles in 8 days and spent about 60 hours traveling and I would do it again tomorrow.

My heart is overflowing with love for my son. Africa was like nothing I have ever experienced. Meeting my son for the first time felt so natural. Derek and I agreed that we felt as if we were born to be his parents. I am in awe that God has chosen us to parent this amazing child. He is so sweet and full of giggles and jibber jabber. He is a fighter already. This little boy has overcome many obstacles in his first year of life. He is an absolute miracle to us.

Yet my heart is also crushed because there is another sweet boy we could not also meet, hold, kiss, or become official parents to. At least not yet. We pray for a resolution for children from orphanages that have been closed. Such a bittersweet week in many ways.

And my heart is saddened because after loving my son from afar for 7 months and then in person for 6 days we had to leave him to come home. This part seems so unnatural. We now must wait to be submitted to the US Embassy so that he can be cleared to travel home. This could take many weeks/months. The timeline is very vague and this is hard. Yet we have seen God's hand throughout this process and we know yet again that we must trust in His timing. No matter how difficult this process has been at times, it has been the best experience of my life. It isn't easy, but looking into the face of this precious baby boy I know he is worth every second of this journey.

I will share more throughout the coming weeks about our sweet Silas, our time in Africa, the people we met, and our experience as parents. For now I treasure these pictures of our time with our son.

Why Was This Child Born Blind?

I listened today to a John Piper sermon titled "Why was this child born blind?"  It's excellent.  And helpful in thinking about all kinds of struggles and suffering.

As I listened to it, the Lord surprised me by answering a long-standing prayer of mine.  It's kind of unrelated to the sermon topic, so I'll share some background.

When the kids and I are grocery shopping or out somewhere, I'm frequently asked if they're twins.  I usually say that they're not, and that they're only two weeks apart so it's like having twins.  Almost inevitably, people will ask me if they are brother and sister (kind of a funny question since that would be impossible, but still I'm asked it).  And that's a problem for me.  I know that the question has to do with whether they came from the same birth family.  If I were to answer that question, I would have to say no.  But the truth is that they ARE brother and sister.  And I don't want to undermine what the Lord has done in their lives through adoption by saying no, especially in front of them.  I've really struggled with how to direct the conversation.  I've tried a few different approaches. I've asked people for advice.  I don't want to be rude or unfriendly but it's been a bit confusing to me -- do I say something potentially misleading by simply answering that they are brother and sister, or do I answer the question I know they're asking and add on a tagline about the fact that they are brother and sister now?  Neither of those approaches has worked out in the way I'd like them to.  I'd love to be able to share the remarkable things the Lord has done in our family in a way that doesn't undermine adoption or cause our children to question the validity of their relationship to each other.  But honestly, part of me would also prefer to be a little more anonymous and avoid the conversations altogether.

With that in mind, here's the quote that stood out to me.  The passage comes from John 9.  Seemingly unrelated at first, but stick with it.

Let me plead with you—see disability. See it. Not like the priest and the Levite, who see the Jewish person beat up on the side of the road and then just walk to the other side. We're not seeing the way Jesus saw when that happens. So my plea is to trust God to give you what you need in that moment, and don't turn away.

It's our natural reflex to see and avoid. But we are not natural people. We are followers of Jesus. We have the Spirit of Christ in our hearts. We have been seen and touched in all our brokenness by an attentive, merciful Savior.

If you want to be one of the most remarkable kinds of human beings on the planet—a Jesus kind—see people with disabilities. See them. And move toward them. If you run away from every opportunity to make a mistake, you will be the most isolated, safe, boring, uncaring, person imaginable. We're Christians. We believe in forgiveness. We believe in making mistakes on the way to being a loving person. 

When the disciples saw Jesus’ attention to the blind man, they asked for an explanation of his blindness. Verse 2: “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” That was probably not the most compassionate thing to say at the moment. And you're not going to say the right thing either. You're not. But Jesus was so merciful to them (just like our parents of children with disabilities have been merciful when we have said ill-informed and insensitive things). He does that a lot. He redeems awkward moments and callous words...

Jesus says, in effect, specific sins in the past don’t always correlate with specific suffering in the present. The decisive explanation for this blindness is not found by looking for its cause but by looking for its purpose. Verse 3: Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.”

I want to be like Jesus!  I want to redeem awkward moments and answer insensitive questions gracefully, remembering that I will sometimes ask ill-informed things too.  I hope that having a better heart attitude toward questions that are not meant to be offensive will model grace for my kids too.

Bible Study Fellowship

A few months ago I was able to lead a ladies' Bible study with friends from church.  We went through Knowing the God of Jonah together.  It was fantastic material from In Praise of God Ministries.  I love doing studies with other women and I know my personal time with the Lord is more fruitful and consistent when I have a study that I'm working through. 

So this morning I went with a friend to Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) at a local church so close to our home that we could walk there if we wanted to.  Today was an overview for new members, and I was very impressed with how organized, kind and welcoming everyone was.  I'm excited to start studying the Bible with this material that I've heard nothing but good things about.   

And I especially loved the program for my kids.  There are a few trained workers in the room with a handful of kids all around the same age.  They play, exercise, sing, have a snack, lay down for quiet time, and study the same Bible story that their moms are studying for the week!  I asked my kids about it afterward, and here's what they had to say:

His take: "blow bubbles, pop it." "sing God." "lay down. quiet." "eat cookies."
Her take: "I sad. where momma?" "I sit Bobbi lap." (Bobbi was one of the ladies in their room) "read story."

Yup, that sounds about right!  As we were leaving, I met Bobbi and she said goodbye to my kids and told them she loved them.  My heart about melted.  Praise the Lord for godly women that will love and invest in my children!  It makes me so glad that they have another opportunity to learn about Jesus.  There is nothing I desire more than to be able to say, as it does in 3 John 1:4 -- I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.